wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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