I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
