I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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