i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
