apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
