she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Come see our sink grown plant.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
