i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
