I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
