Just fell off a train. Bad.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
