my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
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