I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
