i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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