i think i have herpe
just one?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
