I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
