Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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