I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
