apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
