i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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