i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
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I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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