He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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