Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
