the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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