He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize