i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize