It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
