Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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