You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
