Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am naked and annoyed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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