i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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