Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
