you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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