did you get engaged???
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
