Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
