If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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