Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
