I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
