Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
