Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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