Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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