I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
