ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
