Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
