I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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