can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
As shirtless as possible
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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