As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
