So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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