I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
