You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she peed on how many people?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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