Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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