I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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