im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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