you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
