She said her name was "party"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
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Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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