You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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