I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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