Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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