wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
