At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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