I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
