mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
