I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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