I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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