My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
