You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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