Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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