you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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