He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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